I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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