The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
