I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
