I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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