How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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