you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
