You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
