Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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