They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
