There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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