FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high