The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.