I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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