I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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