Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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