he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
