My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
