dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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