You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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