Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You can't wash away shame.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I can try.

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  (781): You can't wash away shame. (1-781): I can try. http://tfl.nu/os07
  Replies (8) Good night (1404) Bad night (634)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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  (330): Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy." http://tfl.nu/8mx4
  Replies (15) Good night (3677) Bad night (941)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes

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  (516): i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes http://tfl.nu/j5p1
  Replies (24) Good night (881) Bad night (5706)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.

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  (908): All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me. http://tfl.nu/8azw
  Replies (16) Good night (830) Bad night (3511)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

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  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1581) Bad night (4037)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.

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  (845): I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties. http://tfl.nu/q6j5
  Replies (5) Good night (2796) Bad night (1079)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me

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  (319): You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me http://tfl.nu/8yrv
  Replies (4) Good night (1846) Bad night (1265)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there

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  (402): You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there http://tfl.nu/v9qy
  Replies (2) Good night (1566) Bad night (416)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me

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  (614): It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me http://tfl.nu/sahk
  Replies (19) Good night (1908) Bad night (572)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.

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  (815): YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS. http://tfl.nu/33fz
  Replies (9) Good night (1064) Bad night (575)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.

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  (406): Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out. http://tfl.nu/4zrh
  Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (736)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.

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  (256): Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life. http://tfl.nu/8lve
  Replies (5) Good night (718) Bad night (329)
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  (818): View more from California

  Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID

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  (818): Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID http://tfl.nu/o6au
  Replies (2) Good night (336) Bad night (690)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.

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  (402): There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP. http://tfl.nu/d9id
  Replies (3) Good night (425) Bad night (340)
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  (323): View more from California

  My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese

  (818): View more from California

  They know nothing, John Stoned.

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  (323): My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese (818): They know nothing, John Stoned. http://tfl.nu/apa6
  Replies (2) Good night (849) Bad night (256)

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