i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
