We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign