i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
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I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.