just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
