So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
