That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
