similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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