I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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