My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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