I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
