hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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