but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
