I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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