Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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