i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
