Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
