How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up under a house in Key West
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