Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
