there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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