She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
