I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
