i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
