seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
