just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
