My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
