Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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