When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
