just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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