I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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