maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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