Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
