i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize