there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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