I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
