Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
