y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Someone signed my nipple.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
