Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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