We named our party play list daddy issues
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
