I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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