the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
