I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
