I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
