I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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