Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
